Monday, August 25, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
I HATE YOU
Oh my sweet lord, I don't know what kind of description to give. This video makes me laugh on so many levels.
Raccoon Wreaks Havoc on Kitchen - Watch more free videos
Raccoon Wreaks Havoc on Kitchen - Watch more free videos
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Maybe It's Just Me...
...but when you wear shorts on the train, and you find people staring at your shark with legs tattoo, you can predict exactly how long it will take before looking you in the eye to confront the sick mind that would think of such a tattoo, only to flop your tongue out of your mouth and roll your eyes into the back of your head so they think that their judgmental stare caused you to expire? Lord knows I certainly do!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Working For The Weekday
Not just the weekday, however, but SUPER early on a weekday. I woke up at 3:30AM to work a 5:15AM-9AM shift. Why, you ask? Because Saturday is Miki's birthday. Yes, Miki the beluga whale. Due to this, apparently someone somewhere thought it would be a good idea to do a radio broadcast and involve babies somehow or something. Who knows, I wasn't really paying attention. Either way, I decided to chronicle my morning with cell phone pictures.
This has to be the first time I ever saw the clock on the oven show 4:10, except for my days of playing COD4 until 6 in the morning. Well, except of course, when it reads 4:10PM. Come to think of it, I am pretty sure I saw it read 4:10 yesterday, so, forget how exciting this picture is.
Wrigley Field at 4:14AM. I am sure you are all as shocked as I am that there aren't any jocks standing over their date rape victims as a Playoff sacrifice or something, because that's what I always assumed hapeened once the doors closed.
A large iced coffee with extra cream and extra sugar at 4:55AM could never taste quite as good if it wasn't held up next to a "No Panhandling" sign. Also, this picture turned out to work some magic a few minutes later...
This tunnel on the way to work is usually filled with people selling 50 cent bags of M & M's for 3 dollars, but at 5:04AM, after holding an iced coffee with extra cream and extra sugar next to a "No Panhandling" sign makes their heads blow up. Unfortunately, I decided against taking pictures of their bodies.
My building at 5:07AM. Quite......boring. I mean, really boring, I think at the time it seemed like a good idea.
The sun rising at 6:04AM, even though it just looks like God is playing fireworks. Oh wait oops, there is no God, slight flaw in that description.
The raging mob I had to hold back from jumping into the dolphin habitat at 7:32AM. They might not look ferocious, but trust me, they aren't.
MY GLORIOUS REWARD AT 8:05AM. Okay I didn't get to eat the whole cake, but any day that you get to have cake for breakfast is pretty awesome. YES HELLO I AM AN ADULT!
I would have taken pictures on the way home, but why would I waste time doing that?
This has to be the first time I ever saw the clock on the oven show 4:10, except for my days of playing COD4 until 6 in the morning. Well, except of course, when it reads 4:10PM. Come to think of it, I am pretty sure I saw it read 4:10 yesterday, so, forget how exciting this picture is.
Wrigley Field at 4:14AM. I am sure you are all as shocked as I am that there aren't any jocks standing over their date rape victims as a Playoff sacrifice or something, because that's what I always assumed hapeened once the doors closed.
A large iced coffee with extra cream and extra sugar at 4:55AM could never taste quite as good if it wasn't held up next to a "No Panhandling" sign. Also, this picture turned out to work some magic a few minutes later...
This tunnel on the way to work is usually filled with people selling 50 cent bags of M & M's for 3 dollars, but at 5:04AM, after holding an iced coffee with extra cream and extra sugar next to a "No Panhandling" sign makes their heads blow up. Unfortunately, I decided against taking pictures of their bodies.
My building at 5:07AM. Quite......boring. I mean, really boring, I think at the time it seemed like a good idea.
The sun rising at 6:04AM, even though it just looks like God is playing fireworks. Oh wait oops, there is no God, slight flaw in that description.
The raging mob I had to hold back from jumping into the dolphin habitat at 7:32AM. They might not look ferocious, but trust me, they aren't.
MY GLORIOUS REWARD AT 8:05AM. Okay I didn't get to eat the whole cake, but any day that you get to have cake for breakfast is pretty awesome. YES HELLO I AM AN ADULT!
I would have taken pictures on the way home, but why would I waste time doing that?
Monday, August 11, 2008
What Does Hair Taste Like?
No, seriously? The title isn't meant to be cryptic or anything like that, I am just curious. Everyone freaks out when they get hair in their mouths, so I am curious if anyone can tell me what hair tastes like. Does it taste like shampoo? Does it taste like Rocky's fur smells? I don't know if I have ever stopped to consider it. Thanks in advance for any help you can contribute to this mystery!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
You Can't Go Home Again
Except, well, sometimes you can. Actually, most times you can, unless your house has burned down. As some of you know I recently went home for a few days. I could bore you with the details, even though they involved seeing some good friends and family and animals, but I will just tell you the story of Saturday.
Saturday was the day that my family and I went to see Bruce Springsteen, which was the reason to visit home. My mom informed me that recently on his tour, "The Boss" as he is so referred to as, has been taking signs that the audience members held up and would randomly play a few of them. This prompted quite the long email chain among my mom, my brother, my sister, and myself, with her asking us what songs we wanted to be played. I, being my usually witty self, said that I wanted him to play songs like "Hungry Heart", "Glory Days", "Dancin' in the Dark", and "Radio Nowhere". For those of you reading this blog that are familiar with his discography will realize that these are his most pop songs, that no real fan claim to be their favorite. For those of you NOT familiar with his discography, close your browser immediately, shut the computer, and blow your brains out. Cut to the night of the show. Song number three of the night was "Radio Nowhere", to which I continued to sing in my head "I was surfing on a dead dog". Throughout the course of the evening, he continued to play "Hungry Heart", "Dancin' in the Dark", and yes, even "Glory Days". I realize this story has no crux or pinnacle, however, any Springsteen fan can find humor in the situation. The non-Springsteen fans, I am surprised you even know how to read you cans of soup with eyes attached.
There was an interesting story on my way home from the airport, however. I was walking home from the train as it started to rain. I noticed a new orphanage at the end of the street, which must have sprung up and become fully populated within the span of a few days. As I walked towards the orphanage, I heard the kids gleefully shouting things like "It's great to be alive and not on fire!" and "My parents were killed by fire, but it's not gonna get me!". As I approached this orphanage, looking for a date (with a hot young nurse, OF COURSE), I saw Thor himself poke his head down from out of those clouds and say "NOT ON MY WATCH, MERE MORTAL" as he split the sky in half with a bolt that was filled with the anger of the Norse God, splitting the orphanage precisely in half. Those children I mentioned earlier changed their cries to "WHAT THE FUCK, WE"RE ALL GONNA DIE!" and things of that nature. I took the power into my hands to save these children, so I ran up to the door, and with my brand new Reebok's, kicked in the door until it splintered under my strength. This caused my foot to catch on fire, but who cares? Children's lives were at stake! And you ALL know how I love children, and old people. I then ran upstairs, foot ablaze, and threw the children out the windows like sacks of potatoes, which I am allowed to say because they were all Irish. They all lived and offered money and toys, yet I rejected them. Both out of the goodness of my own heart, and because orphans have the shittiest toys you could imagine. How do you tell a kid that a teddy bear with no head is worth their eternal soul? Either way, the children are alive and so am I. However, my foot is annihilated, which I am about to post a picture of. I WARN YOU......IT IS DISGUSTING, READ NO FURTHER UNLESS YOU WANT TO PUKE YOUR GUTS UP...
HERE IT COMES......
Saturday was the day that my family and I went to see Bruce Springsteen, which was the reason to visit home. My mom informed me that recently on his tour, "The Boss" as he is so referred to as, has been taking signs that the audience members held up and would randomly play a few of them. This prompted quite the long email chain among my mom, my brother, my sister, and myself, with her asking us what songs we wanted to be played. I, being my usually witty self, said that I wanted him to play songs like "Hungry Heart", "Glory Days", "Dancin' in the Dark", and "Radio Nowhere". For those of you reading this blog that are familiar with his discography will realize that these are his most pop songs, that no real fan claim to be their favorite. For those of you NOT familiar with his discography, close your browser immediately, shut the computer, and blow your brains out. Cut to the night of the show. Song number three of the night was "Radio Nowhere", to which I continued to sing in my head "I was surfing on a dead dog". Throughout the course of the evening, he continued to play "Hungry Heart", "Dancin' in the Dark", and yes, even "Glory Days". I realize this story has no crux or pinnacle, however, any Springsteen fan can find humor in the situation. The non-Springsteen fans, I am surprised you even know how to read you cans of soup with eyes attached.
There was an interesting story on my way home from the airport, however. I was walking home from the train as it started to rain. I noticed a new orphanage at the end of the street, which must have sprung up and become fully populated within the span of a few days. As I walked towards the orphanage, I heard the kids gleefully shouting things like "It's great to be alive and not on fire!" and "My parents were killed by fire, but it's not gonna get me!". As I approached this orphanage, looking for a date (with a hot young nurse, OF COURSE), I saw Thor himself poke his head down from out of those clouds and say "NOT ON MY WATCH, MERE MORTAL" as he split the sky in half with a bolt that was filled with the anger of the Norse God, splitting the orphanage precisely in half. Those children I mentioned earlier changed their cries to "WHAT THE FUCK, WE"RE ALL GONNA DIE!" and things of that nature. I took the power into my hands to save these children, so I ran up to the door, and with my brand new Reebok's, kicked in the door until it splintered under my strength. This caused my foot to catch on fire, but who cares? Children's lives were at stake! And you ALL know how I love children, and old people. I then ran upstairs, foot ablaze, and threw the children out the windows like sacks of potatoes, which I am allowed to say because they were all Irish. They all lived and offered money and toys, yet I rejected them. Both out of the goodness of my own heart, and because orphans have the shittiest toys you could imagine. How do you tell a kid that a teddy bear with no head is worth their eternal soul? Either way, the children are alive and so am I. However, my foot is annihilated, which I am about to post a picture of. I WARN YOU......IT IS DISGUSTING, READ NO FURTHER UNLESS YOU WANT TO PUKE YOUR GUTS UP...
HERE IT COMES......
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